Since I closed Concrete Loop down last year, I am no longer apart of the same circles. I don’t get those swanky exclusive invites anymore, my social media standing took a nose dive, some of my old connects don’t respond to my emails/calls and I lost a lot of people who I thought were my friends. Funny thing is…. I anticipated all of these things.
I worked for almost 10 years on that site. The first 5 flew by because it was exciting. Professional blogging was new. I was trailblazing and getting to do some amazing things. However, as the years went on, entertainment blogging became immensely saturated. The later years drained me but I stayed because it’s all I had. I dropped out of college, moved a couple times, signed a bunch of contracts and tried to build an empire. But it just wasn’t meant to be.
Burned out wasn’t even close to what I was and as I said on my goodbye letter, I just wasn’t happy anymore. I began to live a life that wasn’t for me, just so I could sustain a skewed perception of myself. During the last year, I would go into my office every day and hate it. My disdain for the content & celebrities that many of the readers loved, started to show to my employees. It also started to flow over into my personal life. Mix all that together and throw in even more business related issues and it was a wrap. I was nothing but a depressed & negative shell of myself. That in a sense caused me to operate with a mask on and that was something I said I would never do.
Authenticity is what I always strive for. Don’t get me wrong, I did love some aspects of the job. Interviewing folks, traveling, inspiring new bloggers and being able to support myself financially. But towards the end, I felt I was becoming something I was not. So once I got the chance to bow out gracefully, I did.
Sometimes I feel like all my hard work was in vain and that I lost a lot. But when I sit and think about it, I know that I experienced all this for a reason. Like the Bible says, “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?”
While this growth has been eye opening and I have experienced some growing pains, I wouldn’t change anything. I’m thankful for everything that has happened because I have learned a lot about myself during this time. Sometimes God has to completely shake things up to put you where you are supposed to be. After all, I did ask for this and you can’t dictate how the pieces will fall back into place.
Some people will never understand why I never sold the site or why I won’t bring it back. But that’s not my place to make them.
2014 was a year that shifted my mindset in a way that is hard to explain and my goal was to not let 2015 fly by without realizing my true life’s purpose. The older I get, the more I see that to find your true purpose in life you must go after what you cannot shake. Meaning, if you continue to think, dream, see and feel something down to your core – that is your true calling.
For over 15 years, blogging and creativity have been close to my heart. Even though the landscape has drastically changed since I first began on this road, it never hurts just to go back to basics.
I’ve always been a writer. I’ve always loved photography. I’ve always loved graphic design and I’ve always tried to stay true to myself. Concrete Loop will always be apart of my story but it was just a stepping stone to the true life that God has planned for me.
So thank you to those of you who still continue to follow my journey. I appreciate you and I have a lot more to share.