I was driving with my older brother recently and this car was tailgating me. For those who aren’t familiar, this is when a car is riding your bumper so close that if you were to press on your brakes, they would crash into you. I have to say that it is one of my top pet peeves and it annoys the hell out of me. Not road rage annoyed, more so an annoyance that should be preventable.
I continued to drive but I kept looking in my rear-view mirror and made some snide remarks about the driver when my brother said, “Why are you so worried about what’s behind you?” It was at that moment I realized that I’m always dwelling. I dwell so much that it manifests itself in every day routines.
Reflecting on your past troubles or past triumphs and comparing them with your current state, can turn into a sick game of Russian roulette if you let it. Because you never know what emotions past experiences can bring up. It can cause you to fall back into a deep depression or have wishful thoughts about things turning out differently. This is the time where you have to train your mind to concentrate on the now, the present. However hard it may be.
Don’t get me wrong, reflection can be a good thing and you can learn many things from this practice. However, if you start living in those places it can become a hindrance to your personal growth.
One of my goals for 2015 is to stop dwelling so much and to start concentrating on the present. Now when I’m driving and someone is tailgating me, I just switch lanes and keep it moving.
Larry Sanders is a former NBA player that was making millions of dollars a year but he decided to walk away from it all.
Everyone has to make a living. I’m no different from the person whose 9-to-5 isn’t their dream job. It’s a scary thing to walk away from security but I’m more afraid of living with the “what if.” [ READ MORE ]
This really spoke to me. Even though he was talking about his NBA career, it really correlates to what I went through last year. Dealing with depression and mood disorders in a high stress position can be hell if you don’t put energy back into yourself or things that make you happy. Following your path to happiness is yours alone and those who don’t get that, never will.
Since I closed Concrete Loop down last year, I am no longer apart of the same circles. I don’t get those swanky exclusive invites anymore, my social media standing took a nose dive, some of my old connects don’t respond to my emails/calls and I lost a lot of people who I thought were my friends. Funny thing is…. I anticipated all of these things.
I worked for almost 10 years on that site. The first 5 flew by because it was exciting. Professional blogging was new. I was trailblazing and getting to do some amazing things. However, as the years went on, entertainment blogging became immensely saturated. The later years drained me but I stayed because it’s all I had. I dropped out of college, moved a couple times, signed a bunch of contracts and tried to build an empire. But it just wasn’t meant to be.
Burned out wasn’t even close to what I was and as I said on my goodbye letter, I just wasn’t happy anymore. I began to live a life that wasn’t for me, just so I could sustain a skewed perception of myself. During the last year, I would go into my office every day and hate it. My disdain for the content & celebrities that many of the readers loved, started to show to my employees. It also started to flow over into my personal life. Mix all that together and throw in even more business related issues and it was a wrap. I was nothing but a depressed & negative shell of myself. That in a sense caused me to operate with a mask on and that was something I said I would never do.
Authenticity is what I always strive for. Don’t get me wrong, I did love some aspects of the job. Interviewing folks, traveling, inspiring new bloggers and being able to support myself financially. But towards the end, I felt I was becoming something I was not. So once I got the chance to bow out gracefully, I did. Continue Reading