Since I closed Concrete Loop down last year, I am no longer apart of the same circles. I don’t get those swanky exclusive invites anymore, my social media standing took a nose dive, some of my old connects don’t respond to my emails/calls and I lost a lot of people who I thought were my friends. Funny thing is…. I anticipated all of these things.
I worked for almost 10 years on that site. The first 5 flew by because it was exciting. Professional blogging was new. I was trailblazing and getting to do some amazing things. However, as the years went on, entertainment blogging became immensely saturated. The later years drained me but I stayed because it’s all I had. I dropped out of college, moved a couple times, signed a bunch of contracts and tried to build an empire. But it just wasn’t meant to be.
Burned out wasn’t even close to what I was and as I said on my goodbye letter, I just wasn’t happy anymore. I began to live a life that wasn’t for me, just so I could sustain a skewed perception of myself. During the last year, I would go into my office every day and hate it. My disdain for the content & celebrities that many of the readers loved, started to show to my employees. It also started to flow over into my personal life. Mix all that together and throw in even more business related issues and it was a wrap. I was nothing but a depressed & negative shell of myself. That in a sense caused me to operate with a mask on and that was something I said I would never do.
Authenticity is what I always strive for. Don’t get me wrong, I did love some aspects of the job. Interviewing folks, traveling, inspiring new bloggers and being able to support myself financially. But towards the end, I felt I was becoming something I was not. So once I got the chance to bow out gracefully, I did.